Tag Archives: grief

I was interviewed this week on a “Faith and Infertility” series podcast, talking about our journey through infertility, loss, suffering, and adoption.

Reliving a journey of tears is never easy, yet in the spirit of bringing hope I was honored to share our story.

One of the most poignant questions I was asked was…

“What do you say to someone who is in great despair right now, hopeless, maybe even angry at God about their journey and pain?”

I’ve been asked this many times over the last ten years, yet this time something different came out of my mouth first…

“No one can successfully navigate suffering alone. We MUST have relationships and a community we can lean on and depend on when our own faith is under siege.”

This answer unlocked a subsequent flood of sorts, on this subject of not doing life alone…

We are made to be in relationships, doing life with people who deeply care, those we can share our dreams and hopes with, trustworthy friends. They notice when we’re not at work or didn’t make it to church or a connect group this week.

They’re like those friends who took their sick friend on a cot to go meet Jesus. Arriving where He was speaking they found no room to get close.

Undaunted, they hoisted their friend up onto the roof and started attacking that roof until a hole big enough was ready. They lowered him down right in front of Jesus, who healed the man and marveled at the faith of those friends.

Don’t you want friends like that?! Unrelenting, energized by your need instead of put off by it? Focused on getting you to your miracle no matter what it takes.

I had a group of friends just like this, who helped carry the miracle of our twin daughters into our arms. They prayed for years ahead of time, and when the news of the pregnancy emerged, went to prayer around the clock til the decision was made in our favor.

For years prior they bought me baby gifts, left voicemails saying, “They’re coming don’t give up.” They stood, prayed, believed, and broke through roofs til our faith became sight.

No wonder I call them my midwives! I honor them still and want to be this unrelenting with friends still suffering and hopeless right now.

So how do you find these unrelenting friends?

During seasons when we may not feel so desperate for friends is actually a great time to find these faithful types. Dive in, network, get to know one person and let them lead you to others. This is exactly what I did when moving to NYC, knowing only one person and starting over relationship-wise at nearly 40 yrs old.

I’ll share the link to this infertility interview soon when it’s posted, but meanwhile let me encourage you that true friends are borne for adversity. Their hope and faith can help save you from losing yours.

They’re also the best ones to party with when your miracle happens and joy returns!

I’m cheering you on in whatever you’re still waiting for right now…


Mom called from Tulsa yesterday to say, “Please pray, tornadoes are heavy in the area.”

I lived in Oklahoma for 19 years and know “tornado alley” well.  With our son Jordan, my parents, sister and family, and most my best friends still living there, we immediately went to prayer for safety and protection.

Who else but the God of the winds and waves can you pray to in times like these?  This same God is tending hearts this morning through all the devastation.  Still, who can understand outcomes that leave dozens dead and thousands grieving?

Ron says, “God’s Sovereignty trumps our prayers of faith,” and in this I find comfort, that HIS Sovereignty and nature of being all good, all compassionate, all loving, prevails.  Still, so much grief.

In my own times of grief I’ve sung the great hymn, “It is Well With My Soul,” which was written after traumatic events in Horatio Spafford’s life. The first was the 1871 Great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially (he had been a successful lawyer and had invested significantly in property in the area of Chicago which was decimated by the great fire). His business interests were further hit by the economic downturn of 1873 at which time he had planned to travel to Europe with his family by ship In a late change of plan, he sent the family ahead while he was delayed. While crossing the Atlantic Ocean, the ship sank rapidly after a collision with a sea vessel, and all four of Spafford’s daughters died. His wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, “Saved alone . . .”. Shortly afterwards, as Spafford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daughters had died.

The Spaffords later had three more children, one of whom, their only son, Horatio Goertner Spafford, died at the age of four, of scarlet fever. A year later the Spaffords, including baby Bertha and newborn Grace, set sail for Israel. In Jersusalem they helped found a group whose mission was to serve the poor.

The words of this hymn are so fitting for today.  I’ve sung it for years but had not heard all these verses, they are rich, filled with truth.

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,a
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, (it is well),
With my soul, (with my soul)
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
A song in the night, oh my soul!