Tag Archives: infertility

I was interviewed this week on a “Faith and Infertility” series podcast, talking about our journey through infertility, loss, suffering, and adoption.

Reliving a journey of tears is never easy, yet in the spirit of bringing hope I was honored to share our story.

One of the most poignant questions I was asked was…

“What do you say to someone who is in great despair right now, hopeless, maybe even angry at God about their journey and pain?”

I’ve been asked this many times over the last ten years, yet this time something different came out of my mouth first…

“No one can successfully navigate suffering alone. We MUST have relationships and a community we can lean on and depend on when our own faith is under siege.”

This answer unlocked a subsequent flood of sorts, on this subject of not doing life alone…

We are made to be in relationships, doing life with people who deeply care, those we can share our dreams and hopes with, trustworthy friends. They notice when we’re not at work or didn’t make it to church or a connect group this week.

They’re like those friends who took their sick friend on a cot to go meet Jesus. Arriving where He was speaking they found no room to get close.

Undaunted, they hoisted their friend up onto the roof and started attacking that roof until a hole big enough was ready. They lowered him down right in front of Jesus, who healed the man and marveled at the faith of those friends.

Don’t you want friends like that?! Unrelenting, energized by your need instead of put off by it? Focused on getting you to your miracle no matter what it takes.

I had a group of friends just like this, who helped carry the miracle of our twin daughters into our arms. They prayed for years ahead of time, and when the news of the pregnancy emerged, went to prayer around the clock til the decision was made in our favor.

For years prior they bought me baby gifts, left voicemails saying, “They’re coming don’t give up.” They stood, prayed, believed, and broke through roofs til our faith became sight.

No wonder I call them my midwives! I honor them still and want to be this unrelenting with friends still suffering and hopeless right now.

So how do you find these unrelenting friends?

During seasons when we may not feel so desperate for friends is actually a great time to find these faithful types. Dive in, network, get to know one person and let them lead you to others. This is exactly what I did when moving to NYC, knowing only one person and starting over relationship-wise at nearly 40 yrs old.

I’ll share the link to this infertility interview soon when it’s posted, but meanwhile let me encourage you that true friends are borne for adversity. Their hope and faith can help save you from losing yours.

They’re also the best ones to party with when your miracle happens and joy returns!

I’m cheering you on in whatever you’re still waiting for right now…

Anyone whose heard my stories knows my long-standing desire for a daughter.  Our four amazing sons have been a gift beyond measure, but a blond little girl has always been part of the dream.

I was sharing in Africa (we just got home this morning), how struggles with infertility remain a mystery in my life. Why wouldn’t God answer this prayer?  Why can’t I get a breakthrough in this area?

“But in the meantime,” I told the nearly 5,000 students, “I’ll be your mom if you’ll be my kids,” which prompted an eruption of cheers and applause, to my surprise.

Then the notes and emails started pouring in….

“Lynette, both my parents died of HIV, I’ve been feeling cheated lately, I loved what you shared.”

“My Mom died when I was 10, my Dad did his best but it’s not the same as having a Mom.”

“Lynette, can we be your sons?” (two young men pulling on my arm as I walked on stage the next day.)

And then I understood.  Mysteries in life open us up to new possibilities.  They come in surprise packages.  Gifts we would not choose perhaps, but later we’d never trade.

All this reminds me of a favorite verse I’ve quoted for years…

“Sing, barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
    you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.    Isaiah 54:1

So we choose to accept, trust, not grow bitter, but open our hearts to be used, and then filled.  I’ve been saying a lot lately, Lord, I know you promise my cup will overflow, I just don’t know what you’re going to fill it with.

I may not be able to be the complete package of a parent, but for this generation, maybe even small things like prayers, presence, and a look in the eye that says, “I believe in you,” can go a long way.

Thankful for surprise gifts….Lord, help me not miss even one.