Posts Tagged ‘waiting’

The Myth of Missing Out

LynetteLewis
Oct 4 |21:15
heart-puzzle-with-missing-piece
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Have you ever felt like you were missing out or being left behind?  I sure have.  Sometimes professionally and often in my personal life, I’ll see others who seem to have it all why I wait for a few crumbs to be thrown my way.

One such “crummy” moment happened recently.  I was visiting family and had an afternoon to watch my 9 yr old niece and her cheerleading squad perform at a pep rally.  Later that evening I wrote an email to my husband describing how I felt….

“I was in the gym this afternoon with all the kids, tons of moms and dads, the football team, Ally and her cheerleader friends, so sweet and glad I got to go.  Funny though, I thought while I looked at everyone, ‘I’ve missed this whole experience of being a mom with young kids in school.’  It’s still so strange to me, I look at all these women and think, ‘That was going to be me, being at school, pouring into my kids’ young lives.’  I know that I know, for some reason, I’m called to a different path, one I do love, but at moments like this it’s still hard to grasp why and how it turned out like this.”

Perhaps you can relate to my “missing out” sentiments.  It struck me later that night and again this morning while on a run, how tempting it is for EVERYONE to feel at some level like we’re missing out.

Missing out on….

  • A job breakthrough
  • A relationship you’ve always dreamed of
  • Real, true friends
  • A promised promotion
  • Financial relief
  • Health
  • Freedom from depression and addictions
  • The list goes on….

I finished my email to Ron with a line that is truly my heart’s mantra and one I will always hold to:  “I’m rich beyond words and have no regrets.”

Over and over we’re challenged to choose the “glass is half-full” mentality vs. concentrating on the empty place.  Yes, there are mysteries, things seemingly withheld, fulfillment we rightfully deserve or would imagine a loving God is eager to grant us.  So what gives when I feel denied?

One of my favorite scripture verses is Isaiah 55:9, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  I have come to realize with increasing assurance my Father is all-wise, full of love, withholding some things only to grant others, in His way and in His time.

Could it be our challenge is to live not by what is visible now, and then choose, over and over again, to be content and grateful, celebrating what we have?

I’ve been focused on Psalm 23 lately while we walk through the valley with our son Jordan who is fighting cancer.  I’m often reciting under my breath, “Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me…”  I’ve also been loving verse 5 that says, “….you anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.”  What a gift — an overflowing cup.  Not just half-full, but running over.

So even with unanswered questions, I’m going to declare that my cup WILL run over, realizing that perhaps part of the gift and adventure for all of us is, we just don’t know quite yet, what He will fill it with.

 

 

When Is It Time to Let Go of a Dream?

LynetteLewis
Jan 1 |09:50
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Holding On and Letting Go

It’s a New Year!  Time to let go of 2010 and look forward to what’s next. In doing so, I’m pondering…

When do you hold on to a dream and when is it time to let go?

For five years I’ve wanted to get pregnant.  I was pregnant once, but had a miscarriage.  My heart was broken yet hopeful it would happen again, right away.  Three years later, two surgeries, countless doctor visits and hundreds of prayers….still no pregnancy.  What’s a heart to do?

Part of me remains full of faith…faith to believe and stand…faith stronger having been tested.  I’ve also opened up to alternative “packages,” like adoption or foster care.

Lately though, I’ve really been wondering, maybe it’s time to move on.

I’ve been here before, waiting until 42 to marry. With that dream too, there was a season when it was time to let go.

It wasn’t a magic moment, a specific day or hour, but rather a decision to focus on other dreams, aiming beyond that one dominating dream.

That journey and the one I’m on now have brought to light several principles for navigating the awkward time between dream-ignited and dream-come-true.

Letting Go Doesn’t Mean Giving Up – There is a fine-line difference here and it’s not just semantics.  “Letting go,” is much like putting a dream on the back burner of a stove.  It’s still “cooking” but my focus is on the front-burner dreams, those I can “season” now.

Dreaming Other Dreams Uncovers Surprise Gifts – Focusing on what we want is good, but in our own limited thinking we may miss other gifts nearby.

One time in my career I was desperate for a promotion.  It had been promised for years but wasn’t happening.  I felt abused and wanted to leave, hated feeling stuck.  Still, no better options appeared. So I stayed, found new outlets for fulfillment on the job and personally, and then much later, promotion came.

So at this juncture, while I’m still hoping for pregnancy, I’m also thinking about the 20-something girls I can mentor, and in a sense, “mother.”  Maybe I can get more proactive, creative, and “birth” in them something new?

Things to Say and Not Say – I don’t say, I’m Giving Up, but I may say, I’m Letting Go. Rather than, I’m Hopeless, I am Hoping for Something More. I don’t say, I’ve Been Cheated, but I am, Expecting to be Surprised. Small difference in words, big contrast in attitude.  It’s been said that attitude is everything.  I say if not everything, it’s certainly BIG.

(Speaking of what not to say, when someone is waiting for a dream, it’s best to forego advice and instead, major on encouragement.  All the advice we need is one Google search away, but encouragement?  Now that’s a rare and precious gift.  Simple things like, “I’m with you, you won’t be disappointed,” can go a very long way.

Timing Is Crucial, and Out of Our Hands – God knows our hearts, He really does, and He’s working actively for our good, a good that has to do with timing, preparation, and the inevitable domino-effect our dream fulfilled will have.  The more I rely on this truth, the more freedom and joy I experience while I wait and hold on, or decide to let go.  “Dreaming on all cylinders,” describes the posture I try to have.

So here we are, diving into a brand new year, full of unknowns and uncertainties, wrought with surprises and possibilities.  What are you dreaming of?  Maybe it’s time to make a move, shifting one dream around in your heart and mind, aiming talents and energies in the direction of another one you can really make happen this year.

I’ll keep you posted on my “Wanting-to-have-a-child” journey, I’m not giving up, but for now, I’m moving on….on to front-burner possibilities that tell me the BEST is yet to be!

 

Hope Strategies While Waiting for the Man of Your Dreams

LynetteLewis
Nov 16 |18:12
LiveWhatYouLove
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The other evening walking to our favorite dinner spot, I bumped into two beautiful women, friends of mine.  They started sharing how discouraged they’ve been about being single.  One tried unsuccessfully to hold back tears.

“I just helped one of my best friends pick out her wedding dress,” she said.  “And all I could hear in my ears was, ‘You’re 28 and have never had a serious boyfriend, what’s wrong with you?’”

The other one shared, “I’m about to turn 30, with no prospects in sight.  It’s easy to feel utterly hopeless!”

Boy do I relate!  I married at 42 and until then, accompanied each of my best friends, my sister, and myriads of others, down the aisle toward all MY dreams.  I threw the showers (first for weddings, then many babies), and looked around to find my hopes fading and options increasingly rare.

So how does a heart hold on without any signs of change?

There are several ways, not rocket science but effective nonetheless.  Here are the few I shared with my two friends…..

1.  Keep Dreaming Other Dreams – Maybe you can’t make your dream relationship happen, but what other dreams can you make happen?  Do you want to travel?  Write a book?  Redecorate or take a cooking class?   Start a new career?  Buy a fun car that only a single would enjoy?    Use this season to do these or other dreams.

So often single women feel “on hold” or “held back” because they imagine so much will change when they do get married.  Maybe it will, but likely it won’t, and in the meantime you can bring your heart alive by dreaming other dreams.

There was a time when I realized part of my frustration in being single was really about not having a home of my own where I could express my love of decorating and entertaining.  While I had enjoyed some wonderful roommates, it was time to get my own little place.  Wow, the fulfillment I imagined would only come in sharing a home with my husband, suddenly happened by just moving out on my own.  No more waiting to buy a Cuisinart, or a beautiful table and chairs!

While love and marriage tarry, move boldly in the direction of other dreams.  This is THE MOST empowering thing to do whenever a dream feels on hold and out of our control.

2.  Enjoy Your Friends — This may sound obvious, but even after you get married there are certain ways that only friends can enliven the heart and satisfy the soul.  No one relationship is ever an “all-in-all” so take the time now to cultivate varied relationships that bring joy and courage while you wait.

I always dreamed of going to the ballet with my husband, then I married a man who doesn’t like the ballet!  I’m so glad that before we met I was enjoying the Nutcracker with my friend Elizabeth who worked for the ballet and got free tickets.  Nothing like a girl’s night out to satisfy the female soul.

3.  Spend Time With People Like the Person You Want to Marry — 85% of people meet their spouse through mutual friends.  Think about your dream man and imagine who his friends are, where he spends his time, what he probably enjoys doing.  Then make a point to get involved in those settings, not trying to manipulate, but in a sincere desire to position yourself where you also belong.  For me that meant finding a dynamic church full of “whole” people (without “issues”!) who care lots about their faith and making a difference for God.  It also meant attending certain conferences and being proactive in business circles.

There is nothing quite as attractive as someone living their dreams, full of life, engaged in a variety of interesting things.  Open to relationships YES, but not desperate or increasingly depressed.  Bottom line — the more people you know, the more people you know.

4.  Be a Woman of Hope — Lastly, choose to keep hoping.  In spite of what you see or feel, regardless of how things look or don’t look.  Hope is a choice, not a feeling.  Hope is also a “beauty treatment,” making the face beautiful and alive, while keeping the heart engaged.  We all choose whether we will let facts and circumstances determine our countenance, or if we will believe in a power higher than our own and a sovereign plan at work, even amidst no signs of change.

I have determined that for every dream in my heart I will be a woman who hopes, no matter how long it takes.