We were talking as a family the other day, not all of us but some of us, about what it’s like to go through suffering like we are right now with our dear son Jordan’s fight against cancer again.

All of us had similar observations about how much we treasure everyone’s love, words of hope, prayers, notes, texts, etc.  We can’t imagine going through this without the love of friends and family worldwide.

At the same time, we’ve learned what really helps and what doesn’t.  It’s been an interesting discovery for me personally, as I’m one to offer advice or encouragement to others, yet am growing in my passion to say less, say the right things, and pray more.

Here is a quick list of Do Say and Do Not Say suggestions.  And it’s worth mentioning that Jordan and Cady are THE most gracious, loving couple.  What we as family members deal with is different than their daily challenges, so I’m not assuming they would agree with these, but here goes my list…

Do SayDO say something…send a card, text, or note, we need to  know you care!

  • I’m so WITH you
  • We are praying
  • Is there anything specific you need?
  • I’m here for you, whatever that looks like
  • Your example is an inspiration
  • A quick (and I mean quick) story of someone who got a similar miracle (this really helps build our faith)

Don’t Say

  • How’s Jordan doing?  We so value and appreciate your concern but imagine answering this over and over, which is why we update everyone via blogs and our prayer email list.
  • Has he tried such and such a medicine/treatment?  We spend hours searching for answers and ideas, not to mention working through all the Dr’s reports and recommendations. You can imagine how full of strategies our plan already is.
  • You should read this book about….While we’d love to read, it’s hard to find the strength to focus on more than daily tasks. Maybe send us a line or two about the wonderful testimony instead.
  • “Here’s what this means” or “Healing will come when Jordan…”..let’s face it, none of us know what all this means, or how healing will come, or how it will be used in anyone’s life. Better to pray over and ponder this personally rather than suggest it for someone you hardly know.

Again, we could not make it without all the love and concern, and THANK YOU for loving our family like you do.  We all grow through suffering, and here’s to grace for every attempt at helping, with hugs and prayers for all.


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