If you’ve ever needed a miracle, then you know what I’m talking about here. That weird, complicated place of believing, standing, not giving up, and at times in the face of your reality wondering, “Am I the fool?”
Early morning these days, while Ron is still sleeping. I walk slowly up the stairs and into Jordan’s bedroom. It’s totally quiet up here, where 2-3 sons at any given time used to play music, wrestle, laugh loud in the hallway, and sleep til noon on weekends and holidays.
Jordan doesn’t live here anymore and we are so glad, because he’s right where he belongs, living with his beautiful new bride, Cady, in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
I walk into his room each morning knowing why I’m here…to stir my hope and faith, for the miracles we need. I sit on his bed, looking around the room at all the scriptures posted with neon duct tape, put up two years ago this week. I look at the posters of his many adventures, his various expressions so fun to see, surrounded by his collection of family and friends.
And then I call out his name. Sometimes with tears, other times with a voice that sounds more like a victory cry than a desperate mom who wants a miracle.
Sometimes, there are no words to say…in this room where so much has been said already, like the prayers prayed silently by his bedside after that first surgery when for days he just slept, and we wondered if he’d ever wake up.
Miracles happened then. We expect them again. Not because we’re foolishly living in la la land just trying to be positive, but because we’re people of faith, faith in a Healing God whose power and goodness far transcend Dr’s reports and scans.
It helps, being in this room. My personal upper room. Alone but never alone. Fervent. Hopeful. Eyes not on what’s seen but on what’s unseen, because that’s what’s eternal, and we know Who alone can intervene.
After a little while, tasks and people for the day call me downstairs. Because we’re living not dying in our house. All of us. Especially Jordan, who will turn 23 tomorrow, very alive and WELL.
Happy Birthday to our wonderful son, Jordan Alexander Lewis…Full of faith.
“He is no fool, who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose.” Jim Elliot