Ever feel that way? Like you’re being given a gift you want to give back, trade, or simply detest??

In the last several weeks I’ve heard from friends saying….

Help, my hope is forever and completely gone.

How can I get through this and not always feel like I got the consolation prize?

I have no control and my reaction is pitiful. I feel like a fraud and SO quickly am back in a place of anger, sitting here facing the fact that my ONE option is to embrace what God is doing, and all I want to do is scream.

Processes are tough, really tough. This making of ourselves into strong, resilient, teachable warriors is not for the faint of heart.

I shared with one of my discouraged friends how many years and years it took me to break thru, cross over, and finally experience a lasting sense of joy, waiting so long for marriage and children. Told her how our responsibility is to declare what’s true about God even when our own experience doesn’t validate it.

Our son Jordan died of cancer but I will never give up praying for sick people to receive their miracle, because miracles DO still happen every day.

This morning I wrote to a friend who has spent tens of thousands of dollars, tears, and years trying to get pregnant, to no avail:

Praying over all of this for you guys. My experience is as you take steps in certain directions the Lord leads and opens your heart to possibilities that you may not have even wanted or been open to before, it’s all part of how God directs His ultimate plan. IF there is a child who He wants to be parented by you then that child will come to you. We get to do our part but trust Him to open and shut the doors all the while working in us and for us. He is our advocate.  He is Good and Kind and a Generous Shepherd. He does not tempt or taunt or try us beyond our ability to bear it. He blesses and lavishes. Our joy eventually overflows. I love you and am weeping in prayer even now as I stand w you for the outcome of your faith!! Great joy awaits….

This week, Nov. 9th, was World Adoption Day, a day I never thought would have been relevant to my life, but adoption has been God’s surprise and lavish gift, one I would not have chosen and would not trade.

IMG_6725These two darlings came to our family in a season of great trial and loss. They’re not blonde like I always imagined, but look so much like their daddy and brothers. Every day we lavish them with big fat kisses, reminded that God’s different is better…better and bigger…bigger heart, bigger faith, bigger story leading to bigger glory.

It took big faith on the part of their precious birth mom too, big boldness to believe that the end of one story means the beginning of another.

You and your story are becoming bigger even now, and yes indeed, great joy awaits.


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